Fake It Until You Make It: Why Confidence is Key to Thriving Abroad
My first experience moving abroad was a 15-month assignment to Berlin. While I was born in Germany and had visited family in a small town outside Frankfurt, nothing prepared me for the whirlwind that was this move. With six weeks to prepare, I thought I had time to organize everything, but plans changed, and suddenly, I only had four days to pack up my life, load my belongings into a storage unit, and mail the rest to Germany. Talk about a crash course in adaptability!
When I arrived late at night, jet-lagged and stressed, Berlin was nothing like the Germany I thought I knew. Closed-off streets, graffiti-covered walls, a maze of unfamiliar roads, and a concrete jungle greeted me as I tried to find my temporary accommodations. My GPS spun me in circles, and the gritty urban vibe felt like a world apart from the charming small towns I’d grown up visiting. Coming from sunny Florida to Berlin’s urban intensity was a night-and-day difference. I was overwhelmed, questioning my decision, and wondering if I had bitten off more than I could chew.
To add to the challenge, I was stepping into a senior management role with only basic German. While Berlin is an international city, navigating a German professional environment was much harder than I anticipated. My “good enough” German wasn’t nearly sufficient for the job, which led to many humbling moments in my first months on the job. I even managed to embarrass myself royally on several occasions with both employees and customers.
At first, I clung to my U.S. colleagues for support. We bonded over our shared expat experiences and spent our evenings exploring Berlin’s vibrant energy, indulging in its nightlife, and riding the high of the “honeymoon phase.” But as the novelty wore off, reality set in.
The Confidence Crash
As the excitement faded, I started to feel the weight of the challenges. My social circle revolved entirely around work, and while I appreciated my colleagues, I struggled to create a balanced life outside of the office. My evenings turned into a routine of Netflix marathons, and I found myself increasingly isolated and questioning my decision to move abroad.
Cultural differences at work only added to the pressure. German workplace norms were much more formal than I was used to. Shaking hands with 20+ people every morning felt awkward, I struggled with small talk, and I quickly learned that being “on time” in Germany meant arriving at least 15 minutes early. It was a completely different world, and I felt like I was constantly playing catch-up.
Reflecting now, I realize that much of my struggle was rooted in limiting beliefs. I worried that people would judge my imperfect German or expect me to be fluent simply because I was born there. These fears kept me stuck and made me hesitant to take risks or step out of my comfort zone. I also assumed that with my logistics taken care of—like help finding an apartment and support with the move—I should have been able to adjust easily. But even with those privileges, I still felt unprepared for the emotional and social challenges of starting over in a new country.
Confidence and clarity go hand in hand, and at that time, I lacked both. I wasn’t clear about what I wanted from this experience, nor did I feel equipped to navigate its challenges. That lack of confidence seeped into every aspect of my life—at work, socially, and emotionally.
Building Confidence One Baby Step at a Time
Confidence doesn’t just appear—it’s built through small, consistent steps. My turning point came when I reconnected with activities that brought me joy before my move. Yoga had always been a grounding practice for me, so I decided to join a studio. It wasn’t easy—I felt shy and out of place—but showing up was half the battle.
Next, I pushed myself to attend a “New in Town” meetup. Walking into a room full of strangers felt daunting, but I knew I had to step out of my comfort zone if I wanted to break the cycle of isolation. While the group itself wasn’t a perfect fit, I met someone who became a great friend. That single connection opened doors to new experiences and gave me the confidence to keep putting myself out there.
Each small step helped me rebuild my confidence and resilience. What initially felt like insurmountable challenges slowly transformed into opportunities for growth.
Why Confidence Matters in Expat Life
Living abroad is one of the most transformative experiences you can have, but it’s not without its challenges. Confidence is the glue that holds resilience and courage together. It helps you navigate the unknown, push through discomfort, and embrace new opportunities.
Confidence isn’t about knowing everything or always getting it right. It’s about showing up, even when you’re unsure. It’s about trusting yourself to figure it out as you go.
Lessons from My Journey
Looking back, I see how much my journey shaped me. But I also know things could have been smoother if I’d had the right tools and support. Planning ahead—being clear about your values and what’s important to you—makes all the difference. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of the honeymoon phase, but when reality sets in, being prepared to navigate those moments is key.
Had I been more intentional about creating balance in my life abroad, I could have avoided months of loneliness, self-doubt, and Netflix marathons. This is why I believe so strongly in the power of coaching. A coach can help you prepare, navigate transitions, and build the confidence to tackle life abroad with clarity and courage.
If you’re embarking on an expat journey or struggling to find your footing in a new place, remember this: confidence isn’t about being fearless—it’s about being willing to try, one step at a time.
So take the class, join the meetup, and say “yes” to new experiences. Who knows? You might just find the confidence you didn’t know you had—and create the life abroad you’ve been dreaming of.
Ready to Take the Leap?
Are you preparing for a move abroad or feeling stuck in your expat experience? Coaching can help you avoid the pitfalls, navigate the challenges, and build the confidence you need to thrive in your new life. Let’s connect to discover how coaching can support your journey. Reach out today and start creating the life abroad you deserve!
